for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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