Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
