It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
