She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
