You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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