ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
