I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
