Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
