fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
