My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
