like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
