You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
well you can't waste a boner
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
