new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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