just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
