Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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