you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just want to make out with him forever
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
