remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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