i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
