i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
