Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
