I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
