dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
