If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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