We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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