Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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