Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
