I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
