my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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