Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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