You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
