My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
