what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
