You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
