id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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