Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
