was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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