My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
