i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
not ubering you a puppy
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