Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
