if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
