you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
