How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
