I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
