It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
