I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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