so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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