i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
