hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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