I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
