If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
