i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
